


it's not what it looks like (i swear)

by starduststories



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Feelings Realization, Fluff In The End, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Suh Youngho | Johnny is a Good Brother, The angst is barely there, it is mostly fluffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:40:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24857770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starduststories/pseuds/starduststories
Summary: "Is it really?" Johnny stopped the small movements of his hand on Mark's leg. "Is it disgust?" A pause. "Or is it jealousy?""Jealousy?" Weird. What was Johnny saying? "Why would I be jealous of Donghyuck?" It didn't make sense. Why would he be jealous of Donghyuck? I mean, yeah, Donghyuck was getting some, but it wasn't as if Mark couldn't. Despite his friends constantly making fun of him, they all knew that Mark was handsome and charming enough to score himself a date if he desired to."Mark," Johnny's voice had an edge of something that Mark couldn't place. "Have you ever wondered why people often mistake you and Donghyuck for a couple?"(or my take on 'straight guy thinks he is homophobic but he is just in love with his roommate')
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 22
Kudos: 318





	it's not what it looks like (i swear)

**Author's Note:**

> Hii!! This is the first fic I have written in years, so I hope it's not too much of a mess. I hope you enjoy it :)

Sharing an apartment with Donghyuck has never been difficult. While neither of them were clean freaks, there weren't extremely messy either. They have always gotten along well, they have been best friends since that faithful day when 14-year-old Mark, freshly arrived from Canada, had set foot into the classroom armed with his shy but friendly smile. After a week of Donghyuck annoying his way into Mark's good graces, the two boys had become practically inseparable. Now, a good five years later, here they were sharing an apartment close to their college campus. 

They worked well together. While Donghyuck was the one in charge of anything related to cooking (no one wanted a repetition of the first time 15-year-old Mark and 14-year-old Donghyuck were left home alone for a weekend), Mark in return would wash the dishes. A fair deal, if you asked any of them. 

Because they shared the same friend group, _The Dreamies_ Taeyong liked to call them, it was no surprise coming home to find their living room in some state of disarray invaded by noisy and messy boys teetering the verge of adulthood. 

What Mark did not expect was opening their front door to find a stranger sitting on their couch, Donghyuck sitting on their lap, head thrown back as the other left kisses down his neck. Mark's bag hitting the floor startled all of them. The two boys sprung apart, but Mark just stood there, in the middle of the hallway, unable to form a sentence, brain going completely blank.

"Mark!" Donghyuck said once he snapped back to reality. "Oh Gods, I'm so sorry. I thought you were going to the studio with Taeyong after class."

Only getting silence and a void stare in return, Donghyuck tried again.

"Mark?"

Donghyck's voice made Mark's brain restart once again, eyes looking around, stopping on Donghyuck once, then on the stranger sitting on their couch looking like a deer caught in headlights, and back once again to Donghyuck. Mark took in his best friend's appearance. His messy hair, the blush sitting high on his cheeks, the splotches of red and purple blooming on his neck and collarbones. Even if he hadn't interrupted them, it was glaringly obvious what they had been doing. He locked eyes with Donghyuck.

"Taeyong had to run back to help Doyoung," he said after a second. "Something about a burst pipe." Another second passed. "I…ugh…I'll let you guys be… I'll be at Johnny hyung's if you need anything"

An with that, Mark swirled around, picking up his discarded backpack and left.

*

Despite his kind of strange reaction, Mark didn't pay much thought to the incident. Donghyuck had once again apologized for not giving him a heads up, but Mark had told him not to sweat it. It really hadn't been that bad, so Mark moved on and so did Donghyuck.

It was a couple of weeks later when Mark received a message.

**Hyuckie**

_Markieeee_

_Are you going to the studio today?_

**Me**

_Yeah_

_I'll probably be there late_

_why?_

**Hyuckie**

_I was planning on bringing this guy over…_

_If you are okay with it, of course_

**Me**

_No problem_

_It's your apartment as much as mine_

_I'll let you know when I'm headed back home_

**Hyuckie**

_I know_

_But I don't want to make you uncomfortable_

_Thanks <3 _

Despite his agreeance, the knowledge that Donghyuck would bring someone home left a sour taste in Mark's mouth. Alas, as he had told Donghyuck, it was his apartment as much as Mark's, he could bring over whoever he wanted. Plus, Donghyuck was a big boy, he could take care of himself. 

That last thought was what Mark kept repeating in his head. _Donghyuck is a big boy. He can take care of himself. He can hook up with whoever he wants._ But the tight feeling is his chest didn't leave. Mark, as always, ignored it until it went away.

It didn't. Not really.

*

It had been such a busy week, between assignments and a couple of exams, and the itch to finish the track he and Taeyong had been working on for the last three weeks, all Mark wanted to do was shower and let his bedsheets swallow him up until next Christmas.

He was so tired that he had forgotten that Donghyuck had told him he was bringing someone over. 

The sight that greeted him at home was nothing out of the ordinary. What he was not expecting just as he was about to open the bathroom door was a cloud of steam, Donghyuck and another boy walking out together. The situation was similar to the one two months back. All of them frozen, staring into each other but avoiding eye contact at the same time. 

"Mark." Donghyuck was, once again, the first one to react.

But all Mark could focus on was the tightness spreading across his chest. His eyes zooming on the hickeys littered across Donghyuck's neck, the flush on his chest, the guy's arm wrapped around his waist. He didn't like it. It was wrong. Wrong.

"Mark!" It was Donghyuck loud voice that brought him back to reality.

It was then that Mark realised how his expression had darkened. How he had been glaring, eyes angry and dark, at his best friend. 

"Sorry," he said once he regained his voice. "It's been a long week."

He moved aside to let the other boys pass, Donghyuck giving him a pat on the shoulder as he went by. Just as he was closing the bathroom door he heard it.

"I don't think your roommate likes me very much. I don't think he likes the idea of boys very much."

Mark rested his head against the door, taking deep breaths, trying to calm down. _Okay_ , he thought, _Johnny always says to think about what you are feeling, to try to think why you feel the way you do._ _Deep breaths, Mark. Deep breaths._

Mark thought back to the first time he had walked in on Dongyuck with another boy. That time, at first, he was shocked. He knew Donghyck was gay. He had known since they were 16 and Donghyuck, voice trembling but with fire in his eyes, had told him that he was gay and if he didn't like it he could suck it and walk right out of his life. What had shocked him hadn't been that. It had been seeing Donghyuck like that, back arched and panting. The sight had made his skin crawl.

Then he remembered how he had felt when Donghyuck had texted him that he was bringing a guy over. The sourness in his mouth. The way he had thrown himself into a song that night to avoid thinking about his best friend with another man.

And now, the tightness in his chest. The ugly feeling that was eating his way through his mind. 

_Wrong. Wrong. Wrong._

He let out a sigh, his head hitting the door, and he stepped into the shower. He was too tired, his brain too fuzzy to decipher what was going on in his head. 

After getting out of the shower and mechanically putting on some sweatpants and a loose shirt, he fell face-first into his bed. He let sleep take over, hoping that by tomorrow his thoughts would be sorted out.

*

It turned out that, while sleep definitely helped his grouchy mood, the ugly feeling in the pit of his stomach had not left. So, with his head lowered in shame, he texted the only person he could think of.

**Me**

_Hyung_

_Can I come over?_

_I need to talk to you_

**Johnny hyung**

_Sure, come whenever_

_Yong is out with Yuta and Doyoung_

_Is everything ok?_

**Me**

_I'll be there in 30 min_

And with that, Mark left, not seeing the worried glance that Donghyuck threw him across the kitchen counter.

*

The walk to Johnny's apartment only made his anxiety grow, afraid of what his friend would think of him. But he had to talk to Johnny. Johnny always helped.

With a trembling breath, he rang the doorbell.

"Hi," Johnny said as he swung his door open. Seeing Mark's nervous body language, his shanking hands, the way he wouldn't stop biting his lip, he ushered him inside. "I just made coffee. Sit, I'll bring you a cup."

Taking a seat on the couch, Mark took a deep breath. _I can do this._

"Here." Johnny gave him one of the two mugs he was holding. Mark took it, finding comfort in the warmth emitting from the hot ceramic. One of the things that Mark loved the most about Johnny was how understanding he was. He was always there to show you his support but he never pushed. He always waited until you were ready. _It's like having the comfort of being wrapped up in your favourite blanket as a child, knowing that whatever happened, it would always keep you safe._ Donghyuck had once said that, and Mark couldn't help but agree.

"I…" Mark could feel how dry his throat was, so he took a sip of his coffee. "I think… I think I'm homophobic"

Ashamed of himself, he kept his head hung low in shame, but at Johnny's lack of response, he slowly raised his head. He expected disgust, Johnny being angry at his confession. He wasn't expecting Johnny to look at him as if he had grown a second head.

"You think you are homophobic," Johnny repeated, disbelief painting his voice. "Okay, do you want to elaborate on that?"

_Deep breaths, Mark._

"Lately, Hyuck has brought a couple of hookups over…" That tightness crawled back again into his chest, but Mark carried on. "And, every time it happens… I… I feel disgusted."

Johnny looked at him. He was analyzing him, Mark realised after a moment. After what felt like an eternity, Johhny took a sip of his coffee.

"Mark, do you love me?"

That was not what Mark was expecting to hear. Not at all.

"What?" He spluttered, confused by Johnny's question.

"Do you love me?" He repeated, calm as always.

"Of course I love you. You are my brother."

"Do you love Taeyong? Doyoung?"

"Of course I do, but what is this about?" He asked once again, getting more and more confused.

"What about the dreamies? Do you love Jaemin? Jeno? Renjun?" But he didn't give Mark the chance to answer. "Of course you do. You would do anything for those kids." Mark's chest swelled once more, but this time with undeniable fondness. It was true. He would die for those kids. "Don't you think that practically all of your friends being queer would clash quite drastically with you being homophobic?"

With that last statement, all of Mark's racing thoughts came to a halt. Johnny had made a point. A pretty valid point, if you asked Mark. It was true. Mark had known most of his friends were somewhere in the queer spectrum for years. It never mattered. He was happy for them. Every time he saw Johnny and Taeyong together, sharing one of those glances that held an entire conversation in it. Every time he saw Doyoung with Jaehyun, competitiveness driving all of their actions but so much adoration shining in their eyes that it was impossible to miss the love they had for each other. Every time he saw Renjun smile, reaching out to hold Jeno's hand while Jaemin wrapped an arm around his shoulders, smacking a kiss on his cheek before scurrying away giggling. During every single one of those moments, he was happy for them. So, why did it feel so wrong to see Donghyuck with another boy? He should be happy that his best friend was going out with someone. He should be supportive. So, why wasn't he?

He looked at Johnny once again, head (and heart) still a mess. 

"I love all of you. I have never been bothered by any of your sexualities. I'm so glad to have friends like you. Friends who are there for me when I need it, and who, I'd like to think, I've been there for. I was so glad when you and Taeyong got together. When Jeno, Jeamin and Renjun cleared up that stupid misunderstanding and finally got together. Why can't I be happy for Donghyuck too?" The last part was laced with desperation. The pressure on his chest kept growing as he got more and more agitated, his eyes starting to sting. 

Johnny, seeing his friends distress, placed a hand on Mark's knee, drawing small circles with his thumb. The action had an immediate effect on Mark. While still on edge, his breathing calmed down a little.

"The feeling you have gotten when seeing Hyuck with a guy, how would you describe it?"

"It feels like being punched in the gut but then the hand just keeps twisting and twisting my insides. It feels wrong, very wrong. The first time it happened, I didn't pay it any mind, but then it happened again. All I could feel was disgust."

"Is it really?" Johnny stopped the small movements of his hand on Mark's leg. "Is it disgust?" A pause. "Or is it jealousy?"

"Jealousy?" _Weird. What was Johnny saying?_ "Why would I be jealous of Donghyuck?" It didn't make sense. Why would he be jealous of Donghyuck? I mean, yeah, Donghyuck was getting some, but it wasn't as if Mark couldn't. Despite his friends constantly making fun of him, they all knew that Mark was handsome and charming enough to score himself a date if he desired to.

"Mark," Johnny's voice had an edge of something that Mark couldn't place. "Have you ever wondered why people often mistake you and Donghyuck for a couple?"

It happened often. Not so much when they went out as a group, but whenever they went out just the two of them, they would often get compliments saying how cute they looked together or how it was nice seeing a couple who loved each other so much. Mark didn't usually pay it much thought. They had always been close.

"Because we are close."

"Yeah, but haven't you ever thought why you never get these comments with anyone else? You are close with me too, and with any of the dreamies." A strange feeling started to unfold on Mark's chest, but he couldn't place what it was. "Yet, not once have we been told how lovely we are together."

The feeling grew.

"Have you ever wondered how you look at Donghyuck?"

"Like he is my best friend?" But even Mark could hear the uncertainty bleeding into his voice. Mark's chest felt so heavy, it was almost as if a bomb was about to go off.

"Like you are in love with him."

_Boom._

As if it was a movie playing backwards, all of Mark's memories with Donghyuck started playing in his head. The first day they meet, when Donghyuck had said he had a funny accent but had glared at the girl who had made fun of his still struggling grammar. That same day, when he had dragged Mark to meet his friends during recess, introducing him as Mark Canada Lee and making him feel included despite only knowing him for three hours. The time he had punched a guy for making fun of Donghyuck for wearing makeup and how he and the rest of the dreamies had showed up the next day faces shinning with glittery eyeshadow. The day that Mark's parents told him that they were moving back to Canada, how he had run up to Donghyuck's house, almost in tears and how Donghyuck had hugged him saying that whether he stayed or left, they would always be best friends. All those moments and many others flashed through his head at a hundred miles per hour. His head was overflowing with too many thoughts, but one stood out like a beacon in the middle of the night.

_I'm in love with Donghyuck._

"I'm in love with him." Voice no louder than a whisper, still feeling completely overwhelmed.

"That you are," Johnny said, arm coming down to wrap around his shoulders in a comforting side-hug.

"What do I do now, hyung?" Mark's eyes were full of fear as he looked at Johnny.

"That is up to you, Markie. But I think that you should talk it out with Donghyuck."

That was a scary scenario to imagine. "What if I ruin it? What if ruin us?"

"There is always that possibility, but knowing both of you, that won't happen. What you guys have, whether it is platonic or romantic, is something very rare. Such compatibility is a gem. Besides, do you really think Donghyuck would let anything come between the two of you?"

That was true. If Donghyuck was one thing, it was fiercely loving. He would never give up on you if he thought you were worthy. And Mark was.

*

Opening their front door had never been so nerve-wracking. On the way back from Johhny's apartment he had come up with a plan. He would heat up some left-overs to eat and then head to bed, as Donghyuck would already be sleeping. In the morning, he would ask Donghyuck to talk.

His plan was thrown out of the window, however, when he found Donghyuck sitting on the sofa, drowning on an oversized hoodie that had once been Doyoung's, looking at him with sleepy eyes.

"Hyung, you are back."

Mark could only stare. Donghyuck always looked softer at home, his sharp wits still ready to fire, but something about him softened when he was alone with Mark. In that moment, after having had the realization of his life, Mark could only stare.

_I love him. I love you._

And with only that thought in mind, he marched to the couch, ignoring Donghyucks questioning look. Once he was in front of the couch, he leaned down and simply let himself go.

The kiss was tender. Their lips barely touching. Donghyuck was frozen, his brain not comprehending what was happening. Mark pulled back, but, before he could get more than a couple centimetres between them, he felt a pair of arms sneaking around his shoulders pulling him down.

The kiss was still tender. But this time their lips moved together, learning each other's shapes, getting to know each other's taste. When they separated once again, all they could do was stare into each other's eyes. Donghyuck was the first to break the silence.

"You just kissed me." 

"I did." Now that Mark's brain had gotten to work once again, he started to panic a little. "I…"

But before Donghyuck could get a word in, Mark carried on, determined to get his feelings out. He was confident that, after that kiss, Donghyuck, at the very least, would not curse him out.

"I love you."

_There. I said it._

Donghyuck stared at him. A second. Another.

"Finally." A radiant smile started to spread across his face. "I almost started to lose hope." Despite the pout adorning his lips, his eyes were shining. "I love you too, Mark Lee."

And with that, he pulled him down for another kiss. An another. An another.

*

They spend the whole night tangled together in Donghyuck's bed (It was bigger), talking about anything and everything, legs thrown over each other, laughter ringing through the room.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading <3 Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated.
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/littlefullsun6)


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